The scars are etched deep into my psyche. Those moments from the past that changed me into who I am today; lost in a world of my own creation. I fight against the flowing tide, cast out the demons within yet feeling as if I am making no progress at all.
I scream.
The echo’s of the sad sound fall heedless around me. Does anybody hear my plight?
Temptation’s carrot dangled before me yet I can not touch; though salvations in sight. I have something, a growing warmth inside my chest which screams out a new name. A name that brings thoughts of a better future; thoughts of tomorrow’s bright light upon my skin.
She makes me not want to hide anymore. She calls me to the light and makes me face my demons. She wraps her arms around me and for a moment, their cries cease to pierce my fragile ego.
Can this be me?
I look into the mirror and I see the weak being that is left after all these years of rot. My skin pale, my eyes dull. I look at that reflection and I cringe knowing that what I see is not the real me, but a glimpse at what the world sees … my scars hidden from their view. I gaze upon that mirror and I hate the weak creature that gazes right back.
She is a dream. My queen from long ago, but just because I say such things does not make it so. I wish to hold her in my arms from now until eternity, but such things are not yet written, and the path is painfully long. There are doubts, though she does not voice them. Somehow I just know they are there, lingering below the surface yet unspoken. There are doubts, that I will be strong enough, fast enough, young enough. There are doubts that I will not be fun enough, laugh enough, feel enough.
There are doubts that I can be whole again.
However, although I have doubts, I have a reason to fight, for her eyes fill me with so much hope and encouragement. I have told her my flaws and still she looks at me. I have told her the cause of my deepest scars and still she wraps her arms around me.
How could I not try to overcome the sum of my parts? How could I not try to be the man she remembers from so long ago; a lifetime and more. How could I not try to beat back the demons that have held me in the shadows for so many years. How could I not try…
How could I not try?
I will try, but I fear I will fail. I will try, but I fear I will fall. I will try, but I fear I’m not good enough. I will try…
I will try.
I will try to be the man that I want to. I will try to beat the demons aside. I will try to be as strong as I can be. I will try to be the man that she needs.
How could I let this opportunity pass me? How could I let my fears set aside a future so bright, though my past will not let me. I’ll conquer those fears by the look in her eyes.
By the look in her eyes; by the strength of my soul, I will conquer these demons.
I will walk again in the light and cherish the beauty of the day without suffering.
This I swear.
For you, I will. For me, I will. For us, I will.
