There was a time when I could still feel my heartbeat, and during those moments I knew what it meant to be alive. Now, alone in my third decade of life I realize that what I felt was the immortal condition common to all youth. What I thought was life was in fact a delusion brought on by a lack of knowledge. Knowledge of what it was really like to exist outside of a realm of my own creation.
There was a time when I was free; free to be what I wanted to be whenever I closed my eyes. I would walk strange lands and do amazing things, but alas, like all things this to has come to an end. For now, all I see is the cold nature of our bleak existence upon this planet and I loath the coming of the sun. This too was a condition of my youth, and like all things, it was beaten out of me with time.
Even the most majestic of all statues weathers and fades in time.
I use to have this understanding, I would find the things I held dear. I believed that all things would come to me if I wanted it enough, and in such, I was lost in dream. Today, I awoke to the cold reality that awaited me. I found that I was alone in this world, and that no amount of false hope would change that.
I dread the coming year, but more so, I fear what lies behind it. I am neither martyr nor king. I am but only ash, just waiting to blow away in the next strong breeze. To this, I owe nothing except my mortality and the realization that love is but a pipedream to me.
Who could love this twisted monster when he can’t find it in himself to find even the slightest spark of reason to love himself?
Even these words are meaningless, even though broadcast to the world for all to read.
Today I awoke, to find myself asleep at the wheel.
