Once again I find that my view of this world is shaken to the core as news of the death of an old friend reaches my ears. Another sacrifice to the human condition, by his own hand, of his own will. This was my friend of fifteen years, who helped me when I could not help myself, and he will be greatly missed.
Shane took his own life after years battling an addiction to pills. I can only assume that they finally got him in such a bad place that he could no longer handle the up’s and down’s of life itself. He used to be the strong one. The one who told us he would beat the fuck out of me if he ever found out I was thinking of such things. Now he is gone.
We’ve lost to many already to their own hand, and I never thought he would be one of them. When I was home a few months ago I had the opportunity to see him for a few hours. He was eating pills like tic-tacs and was slurring so bad it was hard to understand what he was saying. Still he was my friend, and still his loss will always be felt.
There are so many good memories. So many stupid things he and I got into, and so many things of which I am proud of that we accomplished. He was my brother, more so than my own flesh and blood.
Shane, you fucking fool. I know you were hurting but god damn it man, there was another way. I could have helped. You should have let me when I offered. In spite of that, I understand more than you will ever know. Actually, I know you well enough to say that you are fully aware that of all the people you know, I would be the one to get it.
You didn’t want to be a burden to anyone anymore.
Had I not left Detroit, you and I would still be on the same path, and it very well might have been my funeral. You supported my efforts to make something more out of the life I was given and for that I will always be thankful. I wish things hadn’t come to this. I wish you were still here with us. I wish we could have figured out a way to make you strong again.
But I understand, my Brother. I understand and I am not angry with you.
You were one of the best friends I ever had. You gave everything and asked for so very little. You fed me when I was hungry. You gave me a place to sleep when I had none. You carried me when I was to fucked up to walk. You kept me safe so that I could become the man I am today.
There are no true goodbyes in this world, only ‘see you later’. Keep a blanket on the back of the couch and when my time comes, I’ll pass out after a long night of gaming after filling my pockets with candy bars at the local party store. Just try not to run out of gas next time would ya. That shit sucked.
