Then she said, I found God

Once again I find that my view of this world is shaken to the core as news of the death of an old friend reaches my ears. Another sacrifice to the human condition, by his own hand, of his own will. This was my friend of fifteen years, who helped me when I could not help myself, and he will be greatly missed.

Shane took his own life after years battling an addiction to pills. I can only assume that they finally got him in such a bad place that he could no longer handle the up’s and down’s of life itself. He used to be the strong one. The one who told us he would beat the fuck out of me if he ever found out I was thinking of such things. Now he is gone.

We’ve lost to many already to their own hand, and I never thought he would be one of them. When I was home a few months ago I had the opportunity to see him for a few hours. He was eating pills like tic-tacs and was slurring so bad it was hard to understand what he was saying. Still he was my friend, and still his loss will always be felt.

There are so many good memories. So many stupid things he and I got into, and so many things of which I am proud of that we accomplished. He was my brother, more so than my own flesh and blood.

Shane, you fucking fool. I know you were hurting but god damn it man, there was another way. I could have helped. You should have let me when I offered. In spite of that, I understand more than you will ever know. Actually, I know you well enough to say that you are fully aware that of all the people you know, I would be the one to get it.

You didn’t want to be a burden to anyone anymore.

Had I not left Detroit, you and I would still be on the same path, and it very well might have been my funeral. You supported my efforts to make something more out of the life I was given and for that I will always be thankful. I wish things hadn’t come to this. I wish you were still here with us. I wish we could have figured out a way to make you strong again.

But I understand, my Brother. I understand and I am not angry with you.

You were one of the best friends I ever had. You gave everything and asked for so very little. You fed me when I was hungry. You gave me a place to sleep when I had none. You carried me when I was to fucked up to walk. You kept me safe so that I could become the man I am today.

There are no true goodbyes in this world, only ‘see you later’. Keep a blanket on the back of the couch and when my time comes, I’ll pass out after a long night of gaming after filling my pockets with candy bars at the local party store. Just try not to run out of gas next time would ya. That shit sucked.

The blank page is a dangerous thing. It lingers at the forethought of every writer who has ever penned a word to page in the hopes that somebody will read it some day. Like those writers of past and present, I too find myself gazing upon this blank space and wondering what to place up in.

Hence these words are created.

My head aches, my skin crawls and I am tired. Tis a sad thing to think that we have only been at sea for a few weeks and already I am itching to be on shore again. The allure that it once had, the sea, just can not carry my mind in the direction which I believe it should. More so, I find the days tedious and boring, leading more and more to a situation where I am far less focused upon my actual job and more upon attempting to escape the monotonous nature of day to day (or should I say night to night) operation.

This vast ocean creates a situation where man either spends too much time chasing an elusive dream of happiness, or haunted by the ghosts of memory. I am the latter, and in such, memory both pleasant and obscene roll through the confines of my mind, leaving me drained and ill equipped to deal with the ever-present stupidity around me.

I am exhausted; my mind aches; my body screams and my tongue is tied. I look to the sea and dream of slipping beneath its waters and the peace that would follow. This of course, is not an option, but the thought is there none the less. Tis not a scary thought, for after all these years I have grown quite use to its whisper within my mind, however, if this thought were to reach the wrong ears there would be unwanted drama.

I move in cycles. From light to dark and back again; it is my life and my condition. It is who I am and I accept that. I dream of a day when I no longer have to go through this ride alone, but recognize the fact that it is difficult for any person to get close to me because of my dysfunctions. Tis easy to say that any person can find love but what is more majestic is for that person to find understanding. Without both, somebody like me will never walk with another and be happy with the choice.

There was a time when I haunted the clubs, drawing them like moths to a flame. I cared not for the future, but for only a momentary escape from the confines of my own flesh … and into theirs. Now, as I have aged, I see that such things are only a distraction from my true wants and in such I find that I am far more alone than I have been in a long time. This does not change the fact that I enjoy living my own life, and doing the things I want to do; how I want to do them. However, it also does not mean that I do not want to walk with another. When it comes down to it, I won’t sacrifice who I am today for my future wants.

This adventure into the military has been an interesting experience, albit one I can’t wait to be concluded. I dream of slipping back into the shadows of creation, a child of darkness, and live out my days in the shadows. Although life was often more than I could take, I feel I was more myself all those years than what I see today when I gaze upon my image in a mirror.

I am what I have constructed. I am, but I am willingly tossing it away to become what I use to be.

I guess you could say that this experiment has failed.

As the days go on, I find myself slipping further and further into myself. Although I show the world a different face, the scream building within obtains a little more of my psyche with each passing moment. I can but wonder at the fact that I may be like this until the end of days, when this body finally gives up this addiction to oxygen and begins a new journey as mulch. I still have dreams, and it seems, more and more, that they are all that is keeping me going though my meager existence.

In the end, I fear that my lethargy will conquer even the few hopes I have left, leaving nothing of my presence here except a leaf upon a corpse-tree. I will forever be statistic in the ever growing death-toll that is the world at large.

I was here, I consumed, I died.

This is not the dream I see when I close my eyes. Then again, I am not the man I see when I look upon the man accomplishing those momentous endeavors.

I am the pendulum.

Moods swinging back and forth from hope to despair in rhythm to the unending beating of my heart. Dreams & darkness; light and oblivion. To say that I am truly a Gemini would, to some extent, elaborate upon the condition with which I suffer.

I am alive, yet I am dead.

I gaze upon the world through a frosted over windowpane and I wonder what it would be like to participate in it, all the while hiding in the comfort of the cave which I have claimed as my own. To be so free as to run and play again; to be so free to let myself go. To be so free to let myself fall again; to be so free … to be so free.

…yet I am anything but.

My mind is my prison and I can not escape.

I had a dream of you today
Though I know not what the reason
A smile a word black nail obsession
Lingering when I awoke
I had a dream of you today
Though I know not what the reason
Your face touch not my daily thoughts
Has not for many season
I had a dream of you today
Though fading now with time
Emotion smothered day to day
Lost for many reasons
I had a dream of you today
Still haunts me when awake
For when your presence graces mine
The scars begin to itch
I had a dream of you today
Though I know not what the reason
But a dream of you is better than
The silence of the season.

what a mangled mess we truly are, under the masks with which we wear. In time, what will we be. Flying upon high, our dreams fulfilled, or cursed to damnation for the things we have done.

I have knelt to my demons and worshiped them for so long that I know nothing other than the curse. I submit to their whispers and in such I know that I will never truly find the things I seek.

the said joke is that, I won't stop. Thus temptation and hope drill sadness into my ever waking moment. I grow tired and weak. I take that which is not mine for a moment of peace, bringing only more confusion in the long run.

I am my own curse, and I can't stop being me.

Brain Trust Revolution

The Brain-Trust

It started as a profound idea while drinking in the shower. Get together the most intelligent people you could find on the internet and start a revolution. A string of websites, social media applications and random coffee house polls slowly built up a list of names of those who qualified.

It started as a profound idea, but now; now I'm not so sure.

I wanted to change the world. I wanted the scenery outside my window to be altered in such a way as to feel like there was progress being made; the advent of a new Western society.

A new Golden Age will soon be upon us.

It was a lofty dream, born of a few too many bottles of beer, too early in the morning.

Now sitting upon my throne, a fancy name for the chair in lab, I watch the progress of my minions as they crawl across the major cities in the Mid-West.

Detroit was first, our test-bed. For years we selected a few choice pieces of property and, well, burned them to the ground. We drew so much attention that it wasn't long before it seemed like the entire city mobilized into an army of angels. In such, we had to move on.

Flint was next, and it is funny that the locals didn't seem to give a fuck. No pride in that town, so we were able to perfect our method. No longer was it one building at a time, but entire city blocks went up in flames; and it only cost us about ten dollars in materials.

You see, that was the key to a proper reformation. Get people to work for free by creating something that they can believe in, and do it via a method that is sustainable for the long haul. Getting a nuke is harder than the news networks would like to make it sound, but buying a tank of gas and some light weight oil is pretty easy.

The thought behind the revolution was simple. Eliminate the cancerous elements of our society, the parts holding the rest of us down, and then focus the already existing funds toward building up what was left.

Trailer parks, tenant neighborhoods, dead boom towns, industrial cast-offs were at the top of the list.

It didn't matter what the cause of the cancer was; we were here to eliminate it, and eliminate it is what we have been doing.

***

My lab consists of a handful of computers and one very stressed out high-speed cable connection. The joy of technology is that I can stream in video feeds from all of the major news networks to my computer instead of having to rely on updates from my minions. In such, I am able to track their progress by the chaos left in their wake.

Chaos is an understatement. Cities all over the Mid-West are on fire. The poor, run down areas were soaked in the life's blood of our industrial revolution and set aflame by the flick of a switch, the pull of a trigger, or simply by a match tossed from a truck window.

The video was impressive; flames leaping hundreds of feet into the sky as firefighters in little yellow suites stand idly by their big red trucks and wonder what to do next. Arguments abound, as so called experts weigh out one strategy or another. And even though it's only been about an hour into the first major wave of the operation, conspiracy theorists are already right on track with the pulse of it all.

Change is coming. The great purge is upon us.

There isn't a lot that can be done for those trapped within the areas of destruction, but then again, they are casualties in a war they lost before even knowing they were on the wrong side. They lost by having 10 kids and living on welfare. They lost by not going to school and living better lives. They lost by blaming everyone else but themselves for the ills, the pain and the poverty.

White, black, Mexican, Indian it didn't matter; if you lived in an area deemed to be a parasite upon our great nation, you were marked for demolition. Your homes, businesses and playgrounds were surveyed, measured and determined to be worthless. In such, it will be burned away like a wart.

There was no warning, no an age limit and yes, we are murderers. Man, woman and child, the purge will continue until the cancer are no more, and the plague upon this nation is removed; one address at a time.

I watch and I smile, for we have only just begun.

There are no media releases. No official statements and as far as witnesses go, the only thing out of the ordinary they may have seen was a septic truck at 3 in the morning. Then again, chances are that any witness up that late was drunk and in such, may not have noticed anything except their own inebriation.

Teams won't even need to check in; there is an app for that. Thanks to global positioning, cell phones and the internet I am able to follow their progress all night long, and if any end up at the hospital, police station, or go off the grid, I'll know it before their own families do ... and chances are, they've never even met me.

I am nothing but a voice in the dark or words on a screen. To some, I am a poet, wielding the tools of war through a synthetic voice of techno-babble. To others, I am the devil himself, telling him that the end is coming and to choose a side. It doesn't matter who or even what they think I am, only that I am in control and they listen to my commands.

***

I pour another cup of coffee and sit back to watch the great purge and ponder how this will all be remembered a hundred or a thousand years from now. Will it even be a blip on the radar of history of, will I become the next Nero; fiddling while Rome burned. The question has fascinated me to no end for months now, as I slowly orchestrated this great maneuver.

Logically, I know that the people of this time will look at BTR as a group of anarchist hell-bent on sewing chaos and destroying society as we know it. The Pope will excommunicate us. The great faiths will condemn us, and the media will crucify us.

These are the types of things I expect, but what truly consumes my thoughts when it comes to such things, is how we will be looked at by futures historians. Will we be the hero's of our age who saw the end coming and diverted it, or as soulless creations of an age of faithless, brought up on video game violence and tainted by the hot pockets we consume.

These things always make me smile. Historians can be so damn serious as they try to explain away freedom of choice, the mistakes of the masses and the mass hallucination of those who try to fight change in its many forms.

Change is what I am selling. It's what I dream of and what I preach. In the end, there will be nothing more than a reformation of society.

It is my dream and my compulsion.

"Five square blocks of urban Detroit has burned to the ground. Authorities have confirmed that it is arson, and that they suspect hundreds of residents to have died in the flames...."

This is only the beginning...

Apocalyptic Manifesto

In todays technological age of wonder there are few things more powerful than the all mighty dollar. Yet with all of it's astounding capabilities, the one main thing with which it lacks is its ability to bring fulfillment into the lives of those that posses it. 'One nation under George' is a better motto for this nation than what is currently accredited as the staple of western society.

Each and every person is expected to climb some sort of corporate ladder with the expectation that life will be better if only they could make more money. Alas, such a thing is but a pipe-dream to most people of this society and the reality is far colder than what most would like to admit.

Although, in my experience, the mass majority knows without a shadow of a doubt that their attempts to scale the oil soaked wall of monetary success is a useless endeavor, they still make no attempt to change the poison of their indulgence and in such they remain in a state of zombie consumerism. If they could not only admit to the rot-life which they live but also have the courage to step out of the mold of social expectation they would find a much happier, yet simpler life to live.

For each individual within this great country the concept of happiness is different. For some it
would be to make things grow, to create and or to explore the secrets of our universe. Those are but a few examples of the things that drive mans heart yet not his mind.

What can we do to break the marble shoes that weigh us down and prevent humankind from soaring through the realms of existence with but a thought. Have we become so grounded in our thinking that we believe the all knowing scientist when he states that something is not possible? Wasn't this the same type of person who a few century's ago said that the Earth was flat and the heavens revolved around our little rock?

There are those in this world who attempt to challenge orthodox thinking but they are looked at as the conveyors of faulty knowledge and in such are dismissed by the people of this planet as being a joke of some sort. Yet, is it not true that those seeking the lost city of Troy, or the legendary Minoan civilization were laughed at by their peers until the fateful day that their efforts were rewarded with vast archaeological discoveries?

There are many questions which remain unanswered about the ancient past of the Human Species. Where did we come from? Did we have help forming civilization from an outside source? Were the Gods of the ancient times real and if so, who were they? Are we alone in the Universe?

It seems that a common thread in science is that the lack of evidence is being used as evidence in and of itself. Historians then fill in the blanks with theory and conjecture and state their findings to the world as facts and figures. These educated guesses fill our history books and are taught as if they are the definitive truth of our past.

Each year that book is being rewritten; edited and re-released to fit the newest data recovered from some ancient dig site somewhere in the world. When this occurs, it is once again taken to be as ultimate fact by the masses even though it's not. This is not exclusively the fault of the science itself but the nature of belief by the masses who view science as the new religion. Blind faith clouds their minds to outside possibilities.

There are scientists and historians among us who look at not only the evidence presented by their peers, but also at the anomalies which don't seem to fit into the mold of what the common man is told to be true. The truth is buried under thousands of years of dirt, war, disaster and superstition. More so, it is obscured by something far greater than any of that ... Man's own hand.

In ages past this was a true statement; one that is hard to come to terms with in this age of instantaneous data disbursement across the planet. A world in which news is broadcast across the globe in a matter of seconds and personal web-logs which tell the stories of every day life in all parts of the world. The concept of erasing history is something that few can truly understand, yet in ages past this was not only possible, but practiced.
Books were burned, stone carvings defaced, and entire populations destroyed in order to eliminate a way of life, or a specific system of worship. In modern times this was practiced by the former Soviet Union where those who fell out of favor with the government would be systematically removed from books, photographs and reportedly from video archives as well.

Knowing that we as man have obliterated our true history for one that was placed into existence by those who were in the position of great control over vast portions of the old world, is it not surprising that we now crawl through the dust of the ages in an attempt to piece it all back together again?

Biblical scholars believe that much of what is written in the old and new testaments is either true, or based upon true events. Others believe that the writings are encoded with clues to our true legacy. Personally I don't know either way and perhaps I never will. This is not due to a lack of effort to understand what survives, but due to the fact that the scripture's which survive today have been edited by the church over the years in order to provide their view of how things were. This of course is an abomination to the actual events that occurred during the time of Jesus and before, but once again modern man looks blindly upon the fact that they are being lied too.

We have proof that the scripture's have been edited by small scraps that have survived the burnings. Apocryphal gospels which were believed to have been erased by history resurface again to spread their teachings to the masses. The Book of Enoch is a prime example of such a book.

The 'church' went to great lengths to assure that the teachings of Enoch would never survive the test of time. First condemning the words within then, in time, removing the books from church collections and burning them outright. Yet many centuries later, three copies were discovered (and stolen) from a collection of ancient manuscripts discovered in Ethiopia by the famous explorer Robert Bruce. Once again the knowledge of our past selves resurfaced and its word has spread throughout the land.

Did the Angels of ancient lore take human form and mate with the women (and maybe men) of the past, and was that the reason they were cast down as Gods chosen? Who or what is this God-being spoken of through the ages, in many shapes and sizes?

There are few answers to such questions and yet man still attempts to find understanding in the ancient texts. Many have spent their lives in an attempt to decode that which they saw as an ancient riddle ... yet no puzzle can ever be complete when some parts are missing.

Today, only the Vatican knows the truth of what once was. Massive library's containing original manuscripts dating back to the dawn of Pisces and before, rest peacefully in untold numbers ... locked away from questing minds like a criminal accused of mass murder. What truths do these documents hold that would prevent the Church from allowing modern historians from laying eyes upon them? What is the Vatican hiding?
We will never know unless mankind embraces revolutionary thinking. If man could step out of his mold and realize truth is far more important than the dogma that has been fed to them then maybe... just maybe … something will happen.

With one voice the people of this world must speak out and once again fell the walls of Jericho. The world would tremble and the truth would be set free.

I have noticed many books released in the past decade which reveal a growing unease with the direction western civilization is taking us and its effect upon the planet as a whole.

Global warming, over-population, super-storms, famine and a growing sense of sadness consuming the thoughts of those who dwell within the boarders of our society are but a few examples of the path we are walking. At our current rate, our doom will be sealed in a few decades. What was once a worry for future generations is now screaming in our face.

I do not expect to live my life as my grandparents did, or for that matter my mother and father. Luckily they will not see the annihilation of all they held dear.
Is it too late to do anything? No, in fact, it is not. Although there is damage done to our planet, there is still time to limit the scope of that destruction. If we change our ways, even a little, it could mean the survival of our species. Yet our blood burns and time is always against us. Why do we care what tomorrow holds as long as we are at ease today. This form of thought is what has brought us to this place ... gazing across the river toward the oncoming flames.

It has been written that the best social structure is not what we currently have. A tribal environment was far better suited for a balanced way of life than the western model of large cities where a key is required to access food.

In the book 'Beyond Civilization', an interesting argument is put forward in regards to this very matter. The author states that if we could step out of our consumer role and back to a more stable form of operations, mankind would be far happier than what we are today. He also went on to state that it would be the only way to save the planet from its current path of destruction.
I am not so blind to think that the masses would ever convert to such a way of life. I see too much greed in the eyes of our children to believe that mankind will change in time to save this boat from sinking. Not without a drastic change now will future generations see the truth behind such an existence.

In a tribal way of life, the group is an equal. One person is no greater than another, and each lives at the same level as others within the group. Through this way of life, man finds more time to relax and to pursue his own personal goals than he would with the way things currently operate. It is also stated that through this form of life, mankind would produce far less pollution and in such the species may very well be saved.

Of course, this is a drastic reformation from how we currently live, myself included. I can see the possibilities of a tribal way of life working, but I fully admit that there is no way in hell enough people would change their ways fast enough for there to be any significant change in the amount of toxins dumped into our environment.
In the end, it seems, that the death of our species will be due to our lethargy ... leading to a very slow suicide.

In the end of days, will man be remembered as a species able to withstand the test of time, or as another failed ape-man whose greed and self-indulgence produced their own end.

There is very little of this world which brings us all together in a way that is both positive and productive. It seems disaster brings us closer yet after the media frenzy has faded away so to do the kind hearts sent by the grace of the Gods to assist. If this species worked together we could do anything, yet we sit on our asses while the world slowly ticks into the future of our demise.

We have the ability to prevent the dark future that I see but our inability to work like a tribe prevents us from making the necessary changes in our lifestyles to bring about a brighter future for later generations. It seems through our inability to act, our children will live in chaos.

There is little hope for us as I see it. The dark stain upon our existence is not that we killed ourselves but that we saw it coming and did nothing to prevent it.

I see these things as I go about my selfish life, yet I to do nothing to stop the raping of our future. The storms will come, the plagues and the famine and we will crawl into our holes in the hope to wait it out. Selfishly hording what little resources we have left until nothing remains of our pseudo-glorious civilization.

I see man picking apart the infrastructure, which has taken so long to build, in only a few years of chaos. Gangs will roam and the strong will feed upon the weak. Some will attribute this to the Apocalypse but I see it as an inevitability.

Our weakness is our lethargy and the tools to our survival are programmed into our genes themselves. We ignore the signs of our oncoming doom and we continue to buy the biggest screen TV we can afford so that people will watch the Superbowl at our house instead of the Wilson's next door.

Let us take a moment to explain to the survivors what it is that lead to the downfall of what is believed to be the greatest civilization to exist upon this planet we call Earth.

As I am sure you may already know, the technological level of our society has reached a point where once complex tasks have become fully automated through the use of machines. So complex, these machines can do the work of 1000's of men with little upkeep. Although expensive to develop and build, they have given man more leisure time and in such, we had need to fill our homes with items which allow us to fill our newfound free time.

We have the ability to tear down a mountain and rebuild it elsewhere ... so great and destructive our ability.

I believe the big change in our society came with the invention known as the television. Through this device, man is able to receive news from around the world in an instant, yet it also gave us the ability to look into the lives of the filthy rich. Those people amongst our society who have so much money that it is beyond comprehension. Yet for some reason, the common man strives to emulate what they see and attempt to look rich even though they are not.

This consumption has created a ever growing consumer nation in which man buys far more than he creates. More so, he buys things he doesn't really need for his job, nor for his survival. By no means am I free of guilt, but few curb the impulse to compete with their neighbors … or the billionaire he saw on TV.

Through this process, we have created a situation where pollution is a forgone conclusion to our so called needs and wants. We pile up toxins and then dispose of them in the cheapest manner … buy dumping them into the oceans or the deepest darkest hole that can be found. Some companies sell the waste to 3rd world countries and let them deal with the poison that seeps into their water table.

Out of sight, out of mind.

We can move the solid waste to the moon but it won't stop the production of gases which escape into our atmosphere. Even the air we breath is being poisoned by our production of consumer goods. The hole in the Ozone layer is larger than it has ever been in recorded history, and the ice caps are melting at a record pace. Alas there is little information on the damage being done to our bodies by this situation, but I can only imagine how bad it really is … or will be … for what goes up must come down.

With the icecaps melting and sea levels rising, floods are the least of our worries. Some scientists speculate that this is the exact process which brought about the last Ice Age. The addition of mass amounts of fresh water into the salt-oceans creates a situation where global currents not only slow but could stop all together. If this occurs a rapid cooling of the oceans will begin, weather patterns will change dramatically and a long cold winter like nothing modern man has ever seen will fall upon us.

Crops are becoming more difficult to manage, the water table is dropping and drought is commonplace throughout the world. It won't be long before we can no longer produce enough food to support our ever growing populations.

The clock strikes ten.
As we dive into an unknown future, the focus on alternative fuels has become more prevalent. Cold Fusion being the dream of dreams, but other methods such as Solar, Wind and hydrogen have all been worked on. The way I see it, it will take all of that and more to bring about a major change in what I currently see as an inevitability.

On our current path, we are doomed to swing from trees once again.

Normally I would steer clear of politics which is a clear example of what I am about to dive into, but due to the oncoming election of a new U.S. President I feel that it must be done.

We live in a Democratic society where we, the people of this nation, have the ability to vote and elect our leaders. This was something in which our forefathers gave their lives to obtain yet we seem to take their sacrifice for granted.

Every four years we have the chance to elect our national leader, but each year fewer and fewer Americans take advantage of their right to vote and in such, the most powerful man in the world is set into place by the few. This has created a state in which many Americans are not happy with the direction this country has gone, yet they do nothing about it.

This is yet another example of our downfall as I see it. When the people become numb and afraid of their leaders, only darkness can be born and it is that very morass with which these words are born.

This document is born from the hate and confusion of my time upon this planet. I do not claim to know all of the answers, nor even all of the questions. All I know is what has been fed to me by the mass hysteria of my civilization. The fear of the world outside echo's through my mind each and every day, and in such I hear death approaching.

The great question posed to the people is this; to take part in the scattered efforts to pick up the pieces of our crumbling way of life, or help speed up the onset of chaos and actively participate in the destruction that is to be this worlds rebirth.

I know not which direction my life will take in the coming years, but I see the paths lined up before me. To save, destroy or ignore the coming storm.

Heed my words, it is coming … and if you can read these words know that you will have to choose which side you are on.

by agR|Ppa

Rant

Throughout my many years of exposure and exploration of the human condition, I have come to one key understanding which has helped me obtain information toward my goal whatever it may be at the time, and that is that everybody is right. With such a world view, one can learn from just about anybody they encounter, and in such, I have gained a rather enlightened view (or so I have come to believe) of the world around me. (of course, this view is 100% correct even if I don't shove it down the throats of those around me for that would counter the great lesson I just spoke of above :P)

We shape the world around us. If, in the great expanse of our own minds we believe in ghosts, demons, vampires, witches, Bigfoot, the tooth fairy and Santa Clause, then these things not only exist but can create ripples in the chaotic weave that constantly surrounds us. Thus, I find it interesting to see so many who believe in past lives, and more so, that those lives have shaped the men and women who currently stand before me.

I myself am not been sold on the concept of past lives, at least not in the way that I feel most of you refer to them as (but there are always exceptions). To me, reincarnation within this one frequency is stagnation of the 'energy body' and in such it seems to me that the view of the majority is that this world is the primary hub which all things revolve. I can not, in any way, shape or form bend my will into believing such a thing, for if history has shown us one thing, it's that we are not the center of the universe, it does not revolve around us and those who based their world views upon that 'truth' were quite mistaken.

To me, to place the concept of ones abilities on the events of a past life is but a failing understanding of the world around us and the constantly evolving energy body of unknown proportions that swirls about our heads and causes us an ungodly amount of unknown exposures to the universe in its entirety. (((I’d like to note that somehow word does not read the following sentence as a run-on lol)))

Case in point; our eyes only see .03cm (I believe it is) of the light spectrum. With technology, we are able to see quite a bit more in either direction (higher and lower frequencies) however a vast amount of energy lays outside of that spectrum; the so called hells and heavens of Christian mythos so to speak. If the energy body is undying, then wouldn't it be safe to assume that being trapped in a single frequency would be an illogical substantiation and that a movement of energy from one frequency to another would better fit into the cosmic structure that surrounds us?

I see talk of bloodlines, but bloodlines mean family tree, and trees mean we are stuck on one place for all time, with only short excursions into other frequencies between the time of death and that of rebirth. This view can not be, for if there are beings of great power out there, who dwell in other places and other frequencies, then we are nothing more (or less) than strangers to them.

We are the shadows the demon dreams about with a smile.

With this view of the world, I can not bring myself to think that some event before my birth into this frequency caused me to be what I am today. It goes against my understanding of the ebb and flow of life and the universe. This, as noted above, does not mean that I think you are wrong in the way you view the world, only that the worlds that we live in are different and in such, strange in many ways. In such, I look forward to learning from every one of you and absorbing your views into the great picture I paint in my dreams.

(takes a deep breath, checks his spelling then steps off the soap-box)

dinner and a movie not included

My hunger is only equaled by my need to consume. My consumption; her sigh’s of wantin lust. I crave that which I should not have, and have even less than I deserve.

Her touch like feathers upon my skin. She knows she should not, but does anyway. The guild shows in her eyes but her love of pleasure nearly matches my passions for earthly delights.

She reminds me of an earlier stage, when I still had a sort of concept of what it means to be human; a condition I fear has become something of a hindrance to the advancement of my psyche.

To be human, and to limit one’s capabilities based upon the moral subjugation of the cultural majority is stagnation and damnation wrapped with a pretty pink fucking bow.

When my hands lay upon her flesh I am subhuman; a beast of my own creation. The man I become refreshes the man who walks away, and in such I am whole again. Hand’s around her throat gives me ultimate control over life and death … and in such I become strong.

Her submission becomes my elation; her elation my salvation.